Ukulele Doosh

You might be a doosh if you can relate to any two of the following:

(1) You wear a Hawaiian shirt daily -- at work, at home, even out on the town.
(2) You play the ukulele.
(3) You only smoke from a pipe.
(4) You ask uninterested women to be your "arm candy."
(5) You live in Astoria for the sole purpose of picking up chicks in Manhattan by asking them if they want to share a cab home.
(6) You are a lurker with a heavy breathing problem.