Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Condom Education for ALL


So, you know how when you go and try on a bra in Victoria Secret, the sales lady always pesters you about having the right size. “Do you want me to come in and measure you-- just to make sure? It’s free!” Usually, I am really not feeling it and I have a pretty good sense of what works and what doesn’t, but I bring this up, because there should be a similar sort of program set-up for men purchasing condoms.

Apparently, a lot of men are incapable of figuring it out themselves and buy ones that are either too small (lucky gents) or too big (so sad). I know that a lot of condom purchases are more on the fly – but I get the impression there is a serious lack of education among men in this country.

The fact that a woman has to tell you if YOUR condom fits makes absolutely no sense to me. Maybe it’s not a fitting before you buy necessarily, as that could get a little weird. But, maybe it’s some sort of virtual webinar explaining size, shape, and whatever else a guy should know so that sh*t stays put. Bottom line, it is about the safety of both parties or multiple parties in some cases. I am starting a movement as of today, probs after I eat dinner, that will demand more condom education in public schools. After all, saying, "Oh f*ck" right after blowing your load really kills the mood.

Santa is a Doosh


As usual people are prematurely jazzed about the holidays; therefore, I say, "Santa is a Doosh...and so is Frosty!"

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Details.com Daily Douchebag

Loyal followers, I thought I'd refer you to the newly launched Details.com for more Doosh mayhem (except the Editors over there actually spell it correctly.) I think the more the word Douchebag is used for investigative journalism the better. Thanks Details.com! Keep up the good work. Check it...

http://www.details.com/blogs/daily-details/daily-douchebag

America's 25 Douchiest Colleges from GQ.com

I just wanted to pass along this article from GQ.com. I thought it was pretty funny, and am just glad my alma mater was not listed. Phew! Although, I am pretty sure that the photograph for the article is Oklahoma's very own Owen Field. But, who can tell? Honestly!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Off the Record Doosh


Terry Moran, shut up, doosh

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Monday, June 15, 2009

British Email Doosh

This just in -- my friend was officially broken-up with over EMAIL today. I have heard horror stories like this before but mostly through Cosmo "Letters to the Editor" or something -- not in real life. Once upon a time, I was asked-out on email, which I thought was pretty lame, but I have never been dumped that way. My heart goes out to my friend, and I will be consoling her by drinking by her side and running through all of my favorite male bashing anecdotes to try and cheer her up.

Granted, this was a long distance relationship, but bottom line is, if you can’t dump someone in-person, the least you can do is give her a call. There is NO excuse other than maybe the doosh somehow manage to chop off his own balls. Sounds like my friend ordered-up a DOOSH-bag Supreme with extra cheese and stupidly flew all the way to England to pick it up. I guess this is a lessoned learned. Do not be fooled by their proper, gentlemanly accents. Those chaps from across the pond can be just as dooshy has the packs of mutts who run rampant on our streets.

This behavior is highly unacceptable and breaks the previously determined numbers on my DOOSHcale. I am going to have to rethink those values after this ridiculous incident. What a DOOSH!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Craigslist Doosh

I have not been inspired in a while (surprisingly) to post to the quest that is doosh due to the fact that I was completely occupied by my apartment quest, which then transitioned into my pursuit for trash treasures and gently used furniture.

I recently responded to a bookshelf ad on Craigslist asking if I could come by and see it for myself. After not emailing back in an appropriate amount of time by Craigslist standards, I got the following dooshy response.

Craigslist Doosh:
"Do you want these items or not?"

I was immediately taken back by the rudeness and wanted to fire back with something equally as nasty, but I took the high road.

Laughkat:
“Sorry got held up tonight. Don't think I can make it by. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

I thought this to be enough, and I had absolutely no intention of seeing this bookshelf as a result; it was not worth it. I mean really? I think he was selling it for all of $50. This guy needed to take a chill pill.

Craigslist Doosh:
“No problem, but please reply only if you are serious. There are a lot of flakes on CL. It's like Match.com for merchandise. I am taking delivery of new furniture this week and would like to make some space here, so let me know if you're interested. As I said, I can help w/delivery if needed.”

Following this last clever remark, I thought, there is now way in hell I am letting this guy know where I live. Thanks for offering your services but knowing this guy has my email address is enough to make me want to sleep with a knife under my pillow.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/search/sss/mnh?query=knife

Friday, February 13, 2009

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Elevator Doosh II

Getty Images
It is a commonly understood by most elevator patrons that upon entering and choosing your destination that you are supposed to blankly stare at the door (or floor) so as to not make anyone else on the elevator uncomfortable. And, if you do not follow this code, then you are a doosh. I understand that sometimes there are exceptions -- maybe you actually know someone else on the elevator and you can do a sort of demi-turn to chat softly with him/her. But never by any means is one supposed to directly face another elevator patron especially when you are one of only three in the thing. In this case, not only are you a doosh but a psycho. Talk about the best way to strike fear and anxiety in your colleagues on the way to lunch. This is not the time to go against the grain, choose your battles wisely, and face the gosh darn door.

Doosh Brain to Science

Finally, we'll know if getting knocked in the head 5 million times in a lifetime is actually damaging. Thanks, Ted.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Rick Warren

Friday, January 16, 2009

The Snuggie Phenomenon



It all started when I was back at the rent's house for Christmas vacation. I was watching some pointless reality TV show and there it was -- the Snuggie! I saw it again and again. I just couldn't get enough of that Snuggie. A week later, back in New York, I was telling my friends about the Snuggie, we went to the website and just like me, they were hooked! I came to the realization that I need a Snuggie. I don't think I can continue living without one. I did a bit of research and realized, I am not alone. Everybody loves the Snuggie -- the blanket with sleeves. F-ing genius.
www.getsnuggie.com

Monday, January 12, 2009

Going Out Swinging

Dooshette

This photo was found on Pacific Coast News Online. Heidi is well deserving of the first ever Dooshette to appear on dooshquest. She is an embarrassment to humanity. According to celebirty blogs, she got the Chanel logo painted on her nails, went shopping in Chanel shortly after, and CALLED paparazzi to come document it all. What a DOOSH! This girl needs to go away. She is completely worthless - along with her husband and his flesh colored beard. Gross.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Doritos® for the Brain

A big thanks to VH1 for helping out dooshquest. I'll be sure to tune in to catch all of the progress (or lack there of).

Show synopsis from VH1.com: "Nine of the world's worst boyfriends (lying, cheating ego-maniacs) think they're competing for the title of "Mr. Awesome" - the search for America's biggest Alpha Male. In fact, they've been secretly enrolled by their girlfriends in "The Tool Academy" -- an institution dedicated to reforming difficult and obnoxious men and turning them into loving, caring boyfriends."

Friday, January 9, 2009

Texas Doosh(es) Bonus Round

This just in...a Texas classic. Almost as cool as these two dooshes posing in their Tenny Lamas.

Love Line Doosh


Women are often swayed by what is commonly referred to as “a line, ” but it’s not called “a line” until sincerity is lost.

Phrases such as “I had to get to know you, “we have this inexplicable energy,” “I felt something just walking by you,” etc. are acceptable if you have the balls to actually show something for it.

On the other hand, if you choose to say such things only as a tease or to get into someone’s pants, you have stepped into the ultimate realm of dooshdom. Trust me, any woman would rather have a guy say something like, “If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?” than “I think you are my soul mate”.

I know you have some Rolodex of lines that you clearly picked up from watching too many chick flicks with your lame-ass girlfriend. Save yourself some trouble, Love Line Doosh, stay with her and quit using them on unsuspecting women who are just trying to live their lives as normally and soundly as possible.

I just have one more thing to say to anyone reading this blog. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.