It's a doosh-off!

"I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is." Derek Zoolander






Photos via GQ.com.

$500,000 Doosh

Excerpt from Ferris Beuller's Day Off:

Boy in Police Station (Sheen): Drugs?
Jeannie: Thank you, no. I'm straight.
Boy in Police Station: I meant, are you in here for drugs?
Jeannie: Why are you here?
Boy in Police Station: Drugs.

I am thinking of renaming the blog Charlie Sheen Quest considering the amount of resources we have on this guy. We haven't been able to report on the likes of Spencer Pratt, Bruno Mars, Randy Quaid, Andy Dick, OR Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi in the last year due to the amount of dooshiness externalized by Sheen. As of today, RadarOnline.com reported that before he checked into rehab "Charlie Sheen spent more than $500,000 on escorts and drugs in the six months..." Phew! We don't have to change the name of the blog now, well, at least for another 3-months. "I just didn't believe I was like everybody else. I thought I was unique," said Sheen. Indeed!

Photo via shockya.com.

Plagiary Doosh

Content is shared over the blogosphere time and time again, which is encouraged by buttons to "Share This," "Digg," and "Tweet" nearly every post and article on the web these days. Sharing and repurposing content is perfectly legit if sourced correctly, and no one should know that better than an editor of a authoritative, popular magazine. Gawker reported today that Dave Zinczenko of Men's Health plagiarized his own writers for his Yahoo! blog. Before I even read the article, I said, "all you have to do is Google the damn language and find the duplicates." In fact, that is exactly what the Gawker guys did.

Dave, are there no more new ideas out there? Or, are you just plain lazy? I certainly hope it's the latter. Check out more about this story on Gawker.com.

Teenage Hearthrob Dooshes

I was home sick yesterday watching the VMA's on MTV.com, since I missed them in June. (I admit – I was desperate.) All of a sudden, Zac Efron pops onto the stage to present "Best Use of Hair Gel in an Action Film" (or something like that), and it occurred to me that Leto is Efron, Efron is Leto. Eek!

I will point out, although needlessly, both acted in shows about high school that were very different in circumstance. When I was an adolescent, I was getting a female boner for Jordan Catalano, the depressed, flannel wearing, loner, and 10 years later girls everywhere were singing and dancing for the happy-go-lucky, football player, Troy Bolton. They look exactly the same, but their characters were completely different. This makes me question, did I like Jordan Catalano because he was really hot, despite that fact that he was kind of a jerk face? And, would I have liked Troy Bolton because he was really hot, despite the fact that he was flamboyant and overzealous about show tunes?

Each gave middle-school ages girls a reason to get up in the morning and each have progressively gotten dooshier as they get older. Mr. Leto is the lead singer of a ridiculous band and wear’s more eyeliner than I do, while Mr. Efron is walking deeper and deeper into the closet with a roster of films that’s just waiting to be fulfilled my the next Nicholas Sparks movie. These guys couldn't be more different on paper, but all the while, they seem more and more the same. Is Justin Beiber next in line?


I think we might have a winner, folks!

Photos: list.co.uk, backseatcuddler.co, macuha.com,

Elmo Attacker Doosh

The lovable, baby monster, Elmo, is getting a lot of press recently -- from being pulled from Sesame Street due to Katy Perry's revealing costume to getting attacked in a strip mall just yesterday. This agitated customer and alleged Elmo attacker needs to pick on someone his own age! As Elmo would say, "Elmo is three and a half." Here's what transpired on Sesame Street just before the attack.

Big Bird: Chief, What's The Red Furry thing at the top of the Ladder?
Chief Kirby: What red furry thing?
Gordon: [They find Elmo at the top of the ladder] Hey! Hey Elmo, How Did you get up there?
Elmo: Look Mr. Chief! Look Everybody! Elmo is a Firefighter!
Gordon: Elmo Get down from there now!
Elmo: Oh Jeeze.

Online Dating Doosh

Okay, okay. I know that the title of the post is redundant, but I am on a dating site too, which proves (if you know me) that there are normal people that participate. But, this post is NOT about normal online dating, this post is about the ridiculousness that goes on in cyberspace and the ridiculousness of human beings looking for love. Let's take a gander at his profile, shall we?

Problem 1: His date proposal says "How about we...A Lobster rolls," which makes me ask, "how does one 'a lobster rolls'? Did you mean make lobster rolls, eat lobster rolls, roll in lobster rolls? Come on, buddy. You are already getting to ask a woman out anonymously via status update, you can take the time to form a complete sentence.

Problem 2: Under the date details column on the right side, he selected "Museums and Galleries" for Category. Oh, silly me! You meant "How about we...see paintings and sculptures of lobster rolls."

Problem 3: He answered "My first date with a woman" for "A story you should remind me to tell you." Was this a recent thing? Did you just switch over to dating women? This is a tad ambiguous for my taste. I personally would rather hear your story about your first date with a man and then go to the Top Shop sale.

Problem 4: He answered "Celin Dion" for "My first concert." See problem 3.

Problem 5: He answered "Dunno yet" for "My dream concert.” Does this mean you have no dreams and/or you don’t listen to music? Do you have a soul?

Problem 6: He answered “Just me myself and I” for “What I would bring to show and tell.” First of all, you are referring to yourself as a ‘what.’ Does this mean that you are a robot or alien life form created or sent from above to torture all of humanity one puckered lip at a time?

Problem 7: He answered “Inner beauty” for “An infatuation of mine.” See profile photo. Sure, dude, and that’s why you posted a shirtless photo of yourself that looks like a 1993 Village Voice personals ad.

I could go on and on, but I’ll just let Online Dating Doosh sum it up for you (email below was sent to my friend, not me)

Polite. Doosh.

If, in the courtship phase, you find yourself sending thoughtful presents in the mail, talking on the phone daily, and making special trips to see your significant other and there is no intention of maintaining these efforts, then you are setting a binding precedent that will doom you in the end. My advice, "Polite Doosh," is you better just stop before your lady figures it out on her own and see if you still stand a chance. Those small things are not "being polite" but are...uh...required.