Elevator Doosh II

Getty Images

It is a commonly understood by most elevator patrons that upon entering and choosing your destination that you are supposed to blankly stare at the door (or floor) so as to not make anyone else on the elevator uncomfortable. And, if you do not follow this code, then you are a doosh. I understand that sometimes there are exceptions -- maybe you actually know someone else on the elevator and you can do a sort of demi-turn to chat softly with him/her. But never by any means is one supposed to directly face another elevator patron especially when you are one of only three in the thing. In this case, not only are you a doosh but a psycho. Talk about the best way to strike fear and anxiety in your colleagues on the way to lunch. This is not the time to go against the grain, choose your battles wisely, and face the gosh darn door.

Doosh Brain to Science

Finally, we'll know if getting knocked in the head 5 million times in a lifetime is actually damaging. Thanks, Ted.

Rick Warren

Doritos® for the Brain: Crying Doosh Tool

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

The Snuggie Phenomenon

It all started when I was back at the rent's house for Christmas vacation. I was watching some pointless reality TV show and there it was -- the Snuggie! I saw it again and again. I just couldn't get enough of that Snuggie. A week later, back in New York, I was telling my friends about the Snuggie, we went to the website and just like me, they were hooked! I came to the realization that I need a Snuggie. I don't think I can continue living without one. I did a bit of research and realized, I am not alone. Everybody loves the Snuggie -- the blanket with sleeves. F-ing genius.
www.getsnuggie.com

Going Out Swinging

Dooshette

This photo was found on Pacific Coast News Online. Heidi is well deserving of the first ever Dooshette to appear on dooshquest. She is an embarrassment to humanity. According to celebirty blogs, she got the Chanel logo painted on her nails, went shopping in Chanel shortly after, and CALLED paparazzi to come document it all. What a DOOSH! This girl needs to go away. She is completely worthless - along with her husband and his flesh colored beard. Gross.

Doritos® for the Brain

A big thanks to VH1 for helping out dooshquest. I'll be sure to tune in to catch all of the progress (or lack there of).

Show synopsis from VH1.com: "Nine of the world's worst boyfriends (lying, cheating ego-maniacs) think they're competing for the title of "Mr. Awesome" - the search for America's biggest Alpha Male. In fact, they've been secretly enrolled by their girlfriends in "The Tool Academy" -- an institution dedicated to reforming difficult and obnoxious men and turning them into loving, caring boyfriends."

Texas Doosh(es) Bonus Round

This just in...a Texas classic. Almost as cool as these two dooshes posing in their Tenny Lamas.

Love Line Doosh

Women are often swayed by what is commonly referred to as “a line, ” but it’s not called “a line” until sincerity is lost.

Phrases such as “I had to get to know you, “we have this inexplicable energy,” “I felt something just walking by you,” etc. are acceptable if you have the balls to actually show something for it.

On the other hand, if you choose to say such things only as a tease or to get into someone’s pants, you have stepped into the ultimate realm of dooshdom. Trust me, any woman would rather have a guy say something like, “If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?” than “I think you are my soul mate”.

I know you have some Rolodex of lines that you clearly picked up from watching too many chick flicks with your lame-ass girlfriend. Save yourself some trouble, Love Line Doosh, stay with her and quit using them on unsuspecting women who are just trying to live their lives as normally and soundly as possible.

I just have one more thing to say to anyone reading this blog. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.