Office Elevator Doosh

It’s always been taboo to date people from work because of the liability [especially now] of sexual harassment accusations and the complications of going through that whole shebang. So, everybody knows if you choose to dip into the office ink – keep it on the DL and save everyone a lot of grief. On that note, I recently heard a story that had to be documented as an ultimate example of dooshery in the workplace.

Inappropriate behaviors towards coworkers are rampant at the holiday party or happy hour gatherings [i.e. provocative dancing, excessive touching sans spouses, and even biting] BUT when this takes place at any point from 9 to 5, Monday to Friday one runs the risk of gaining doosh status. A coworker of mine [I’ll call her “Cleavage Kate” to protect the innocent] has been hit-on by the SAME colleague in the building ELEVATOR not once but TWICE now. I have coined him “Elevator Doosh” for the following reasons.

• Broke the elevator code of awkward silence with awkward conversation [which is why the code exists in the first place]
• Did not remember getting shot down the first time
• Forced Kate to say “no, thanks for the offer…I have a boyfriend…leave me alone and never speak to me again!” before accepting rejection [4 comments total]
• Hit on Kate when her friend was also in the elevator, thus:
• Allowed a witness to his crime against the code(s)
• Eliminated his chances with the friend
• Eliminated his chances with any other hot chick on the 9th floor
• [Running the risk of redundancy and not giving two sh*ts] Hit on a coworker in an elevator TWICE

Next time you find yourself uncomfortably staring at the floor in a crowded elevator be glad that Elevator Doosh is not lurking in the corner, with all the buttons pushed, waiting for everyone else to get off.