You think you look cool, but...

You don't.

I am writing to introduce you to the Hand in Pocket (HiP) Doosh. You all know this guy. He is the one who does every presentation like he were on the set of MadMen. Calmly cool, but churning on the inside. Angry that your work is better than his, but acting like you are besties. Hand in one pocket for the whole presentation, doing God knows what, while he gesticulates wildly to make sure everyone is absolutely certain that he is in the room.

My particular HiP doosh wasn't happy being that guy. He had to add in the Wannabe Air Traffic Controller Doosh. In this scenario the HiPster takes his right hand out of his right pocket momentarily to make wild hand gestures to make a point. Knees bent, you expect him to pull out a pom pom next. It is especially fun to ask him a question and see if he can repeat the cheerleading moves in exact sequence a second time.

Warning: This doosh is not known to produce original work. He is known to stand at the front of the room and act like he contributed to yours. The good news is that this doosh is not really harmful and can be rather entertaining providing your tolerance for annoyance is quite high. 

Delayed Doosh

You'd have to be living under a rock not to hear the nationwide frustration about the Olympics being broadcast on NBC via a 6 hour tape delay. In this environment of 24/7 access and real-time communication it is near impossible to tune in at night without knowing the result. The anticipation is gone. I'm only watching to see if we can out medal China, and I don't even need to watch for that.

How was such a half-baked decision made? Well, leave it to my good friend and colleague Chris to scour media in his native UK to find the answer. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2184410/Jim-Bell-The-man-NBCs-delayed-Olympics-coverage.html. We have an smug looking dude named Jim Bell to thank for our tape delay. Apparently Jim has never heard of the Internet. Or Smart Phones. Or social media. Mr. Bell, might I suggest you get out of the basement of NBC headquarters and meander down the street to your nearest Apple store and check things out.

Anyway, Jim Bell cites financial concerns as his reason for delaying the broadcast. Sure the Olympics are big business, but they are also an opportunity for a nation to rally together and take pride in our performance. If that is not worthy of being broadcast real-time, I don't know what is.

Thank you Chris for the topic suggestion, and thank you Jim Bell for giving me something to write about.

The dooshy guys in green shirts with all those kids

Why do people with a gazillion kids bring the kids to a pub for dinner. Take last weekend for instance. After kayaking all day, eight of us went to a nice pub for dinner. We ask for a table of 8 which the restaurant had a hard time accommodating because there was a large reservation on the books. We negotiate a table and sit down, psyched to chill, throw back a few adult beverages, and watch the Olympics. All was going fine until two guys in green shirts showed up with a few chicks and a gazillion kids. Literally there was a two to one kid to adult ratio.

So the gang of 20 sits down and orders chicken fingers and chocolate milk all around. The screaming kids weren't even the biggest problem. To top it off, the dooshy guys in green shirts were Olympic know-it-alls. Every sport, every athlete, every score - these guys knew it all. It must be nice to be so smart!

So we finished our dinner, paid our bill, said goodbye to all those kids and went back to the camp to relax in peace.

Blow this damn thing up!

And stick that bronze finger right up Jerry Sandusky's @ss!

Penn State trustees held a news conference today. This quote that was reported on MSNBC really makes me wonder what they are thinking. From MSNBC, "The whole topic of Joe Paterno being honored or not being honored is a very sensitive topic," said Karen B. Peetz, a banker and chairman of the board. "We believe this is something that will continue to be discussed." 

Seriously? Further discussion is warranted?

Define Color

Thanks Gawker (via KM) for the robust content for a post today. Apparently the phrase "women of color" means something different in Utah than it does in the rest of the country. And man, the women with brown hair at that pub must be discriminated against. Based on their methodology I am now an African-American woman given I am wearing black today.

Enough said.

"At least I have a truck" doosh

We visited my mom last week with my brother and his kids. It was really fun to spend time with them as they are so freakin' cute, although they did drive Miss Maddie crazy. The one low spot of the trip was our visit to Wild Waters Water Park in Ocala. We thought this would be a fun day in the sun with pools, water slides and other water rides. I should have known we were going to be disappointed when we met the doosh in the truck.

Pulling into the park was a challenge - the line for parking was 35-45 minutes long with the line spilling at least two blocks into the highway. We waited patiently, inching closer to the park. All of a sudden a pick-up speeds by and swoops into the park, just as we turned in. They then tried to pull in front of my Mom and Bill, who didn't let them. She then tried to pull in front of us, and Rob wouldn't let her. She started pointing her finger and yelling, so I rolled down the window and let her know that we waited in line and so could she. She yelled back, I yelled back, closed the window and continued inching into the park.

Rob drove to the entrance to drop me off with the kids so he could go park. The truck followed us and the white trash driving starts yelling at us that we have anger management problems. I replied something to the effect that, "whoa, you are tough like a man in your pick-up truck." She responds, "at least I have a truck." Seriously? Saving up for the down payment for a chevy pick-up truck is your life's goal? We all know that the payment probably caused her to default on the rent on her double-wide. She then proceeded to yell at Rob and tell him that she wasn't afraid of him (she should have been), and then started yelling at my brother too. What a whack job. My only regret is that I didn't take a photo so you could see what the nut case looked like.

Fast forward a half hour - the screaming has stopped, the doosh with a truck is in the park, as are we. I am taking my niece to the bathroom (mind you it is 11am) and who do I see coming out of the bar (in the water park.)? Yup, the doosh.  Note she had no kids with her. Who goes to a rundown water park alone, to drink?

Unfortunately this experience was indicative of the day. Wild Waters is a dump, most of the rides were closed, the teenagers running the place were unsupervised, and we left after long. As my brother said, if you have tattoos before you turn 13, you'll be right at home there.

Dead douche (should have gone to the cops)

Sorry, Football cultists...

So many dooshy people, so little time

I think it is time to reinstate this blog. Every day the news delivers a new doosh to post about and there are quite a few circling closer to home as well. I thought Bernie Madoff took the cake for BIGGEST. DOOSH. EVER. but sadly I was wrong. That honor now belongs to Jerry Sandusky.

Biggest. Doosh. Ever.

Speaking of Jer, why do they have him on suicide watch? I say, throw him in a cell and give him all the tools he needs - rope, a knife, pills, some booze, hell give him a loaded shotgun. If we are all lucky he will have the job done by morning. Spare the taxpayers the time and trouble of another trial, the victims the pain of reliving their abuse, and all of us the disgust of having to read about him every day. All together now, for Jer, an appropriate song by Limp Bizkit.

And for the other dooshy people - and you know who you are - we're watching.