I Didn't Wanna Do It

RP -- that wasn't very nice of you saying that no one cared about my background on the call with Tery!

Office Elevator Doosh

It’s always been taboo to date people from work because of the liability [especially now] of sexual harassment accusations and the complications of going through that whole shebang. So, everybody knows if you choose to dip into the office ink – keep it on the DL and save everyone a lot of grief. On that note, I recently heard a story that had to be documented as an ultimate example of dooshery in the workplace.

Inappropriate behaviors towards coworkers are rampant at the holiday party or happy hour gatherings [i.e. provocative dancing, excessive touching sans spouses, and even biting] BUT when this takes place at any point from 9 to 5, Monday to Friday one runs the risk of gaining doosh status. A coworker of mine [I’ll call her “Cleavage Kate” to protect the innocent] has been hit-on by the SAME colleague in the building ELEVATOR not once but TWICE now. I have coined him “Elevator Doosh” for the following reasons.

• Broke the elevator code of awkward silence with awkward conversation [which is why the code exists in the first place]
• Did not remember getting shot down the first time
• Forced Kate to say “no, thanks for the offer…I have a boyfriend…leave me alone and never speak to me again!” before accepting rejection [4 comments total]
• Hit on Kate when her friend was also in the elevator, thus:
• Allowed a witness to his crime against the code(s)
• Eliminated his chances with the friend
• Eliminated his chances with any other hot chick on the 9th floor
• [Running the risk of redundancy and not giving two sh*ts] Hit on a coworker in an elevator TWICE

Next time you find yourself uncomfortably staring at the floor in a crowded elevator be glad that Elevator Doosh is not lurking in the corner, with all the buttons pushed, waiting for everyone else to get off.

Demoralizing Doosh

Never thought I'd do this...

...and it sort of hurts. I guess after you've been smeared your entire career, you have no choice but to become an awful smearer. Kind of like abused children who become abusers themselves.

You know it's true

Krautrock Doosh

I was out of town on business before the holidays and as so many times before I stayed at a W Hotel. From the first time I ever stepped foot in one of those places I said, “the lobby is like you're the last one at the club when the music's still on, and they're just cleaning up the mess.” The one in San Francisco delivered just as they all do, but I had a noteworthy doosh encounter.

After a long day at the office, I decided to have a couple of drinks and retire for the night. In my attempt to get back up to my "Wonderful" room I met "Mean German Doosh" and his glittery shirt wearing friend. [His friend might have been a doosh too, but I have decided to be a bigger person and give him the benefit of the doubt. For those of you who'd vote doosh just from the fashion alone - you have to remember he was European, and they, by nature, dress a little fruity.]

So, Doosh and friend were in an open elevator, while my boss and I were trying to get upstairs. We pushed the up button as usual and after a couple of dings we headed in the elevator with the ambiguously gay duo. They apparently were perturbed by the fact that we jumped in their little scene. [We didn't realize we were disturbing anything.] Everybody was just trying to get upstairs.

There was another "DING" and some other peeps joined us in the elevator - making the occupancy total, 6 [under the maximum weight limit]. This is when the German doosh started mouthing off that he was German and German’s don’t tolerate others getting in the same elevator, while his black light responsive friend cackled at our expense.

My boss and I refused to be in such close proximity to Euro-trash doosh, so we pried open the door and dashed out of there while we still had the chance. I think some doosh-esque expletives were exchanged, but we came out alive, modestly irritated and largely entertained.

Much like the W Hotel chain itself, Doosh and ½ doosh were just trying a little too hard to be cool. Cue the Krautrock.

The Living Belushi is a Dooshi