Full Caffeine Eclipse

Commission Doosh

Actual doosh email:
hey u forgot about me Laughkat :( when would be a good time for you to come down
Commission Doosh
Membership Advisor

Theoretical response:
I know it's my fault for coming into the gym in the first place. BUT -- if I don't contact you over the weekend when my parents are in town, I didn't forget about you, you're just not on the top of my list. The incessant email stalking has to STOP. I promise, you'll get your commission in the end. To show you there are no hard feelings, I'll give you free advertising on dooshquest* and book an appointment for tonight at 7.

*Too bad we only have four readers including contributors. Take that suckers!

Ukulele Doosh

You might be a doosh if you can relate to any two of the following:

(1) You wear a Hawaiian shirt daily -- at work, at home, even out on the town.
(2) You play the ukulele.
(3) You only smoke from a pipe.
(4) You ask uninterested women to be your "arm candy."
(5) You live in Astoria for the sole purpose of picking up chicks in Manhattan by asking them if they want to share a cab home.
(6) You are a lurker with a heavy breathing problem.

Calendar Doosh

If you are the busiest doosh in the world and you have to schedule a date a month in advance, please try to keep it or at least have the audacity to call and cancel. Really, we don't care about your level of commitment. We understand your priorities. And lastly, we probably have something better to do with our time anyways. Don't worry. Perhaps, we can get together some time over the next couple of years.

Pantsless Celebrity Doosh

STEVE GUTTENBERG - EXCUSE ME!?! Where are your bleeping pants? And, I thought Dancing with the Stars was bad.

Virtual Doosh Technology

I don't care if this was hard to do or if it's some kind of groundbreaking technology. CNN is now in the annals of TV news dooshiness for their Election Night 2008 holograms

Times Square Doosh

Not only is he the Naked Cowboy, he voted for McCain.