Line Doosh

I went to this party at a swanky hotel in midtown Manhattan for Halloween. Open bar was from like 9:00 to 10:30, but yet they kept us outside for the first 30 minutes. Kinda dooshy, but I think Bravo was filming the party, and they wanted to make it look like the hottest joint in town -- hardly. Fortunately enough for me, I met this doosh in line. Me and the girls were having a smoke, while awaiting details of whether or not we could get our asses upstairs. The guy rudely expresses his distaste for women who smoke -- out loud for all to hear. I decide to ignore and try to enjoy my cigarette. Minutes go by and the same doosh almost hocks a loogie on my roommates foot. I of course reply, "Ew, I hate guys that spit!" He didn't catch the reference and thought that I was hitting on him. I think he was partaking in all sort of LINES that evening. What a doosh!

Hickey Doosh

If you are over the age of 18 and have been making out for a number of years, decades, milleniums -- whatever, you should know that it is ABSOLUTELY unacceptable to give someone a hickey. Kissing is great, hey, everybody does it, but try to control yourself and think about the other person for a second. Do you want to be the one wearing a turtleneck in the middle of July? I DON'T THINK SO!

Dooshquest Layoffs ?

Fellow Dooshquesters, I would like to announce that I am officially back on the quest. After a seventh month hiatus - it is once again time for me to hit the ground running as a surveyer of Dooshery. I was distracted for personal reasons, but had the epiphany, “How can I deny my one true calling in life?”

With that said, coming back in a time of crisis had me a bit worried, honestly. With Dooshes losing their jobs left and right, will they be hiding out, making conservative decisions, and perusing Monster.com on Friday nights?

The answer is of course, no – silly me. As evidenced by the blog TheFoggyMonocle.com, Dooshes are unbridled in good times and in bad. The discovery of this site was unnerving and made me even more unsettled. I felt as if there was absolutely no job security in Doosh questing anymore. I asked, “With Dooshes so willingly publishing their antics online, where do I fit in?”

And then IT happened. All of my apprehensions of continuing on a journey to nowhere subsided, and my anxiety came to rest; I was blindsided by a flock of Dooshes last night in the West Village. I guess it helps when your friends have “Doosh bait” written across their foreheads. I am relieved in some ways – mainly that I still have a job but still a little scared in facing the ocean of Dooshes once again.

Lobbying Doosh (Oxymoron)

Mr. Davis’s firm received the payments from the company, Freddie Mac, until it was taken over by the government this month along with Fannie Mae, the other big mortgage lender whose deteriorating finances helped precipitate the cascading problems on Wall Street, the people said.

Somebody Shut This Doosh Up

I Didn't Wanna Do It

RP -- that wasn't very nice of you saying that no one cared about my background on the call with Tery!

Office Elevator Doosh

It’s always been taboo to date people from work because of the liability [especially now] of sexual harassment accusations and the complications of going through that whole shebang. So, everybody knows if you choose to dip into the office ink – keep it on the DL and save everyone a lot of grief. On that note, I recently heard a story that had to be documented as an ultimate example of dooshery in the workplace.

Inappropriate behaviors towards coworkers are rampant at the holiday party or happy hour gatherings [i.e. provocative dancing, excessive touching sans spouses, and even biting] BUT when this takes place at any point from 9 to 5, Monday to Friday one runs the risk of gaining doosh status. A coworker of mine [I’ll call her “Cleavage Kate” to protect the innocent] has been hit-on by the SAME colleague in the building ELEVATOR not once but TWICE now. I have coined him “Elevator Doosh” for the following reasons.

• Broke the elevator code of awkward silence with awkward conversation [which is why the code exists in the first place]
• Did not remember getting shot down the first time
• Forced Kate to say “no, thanks for the offer…I have a boyfriend…leave me alone and never speak to me again!” before accepting rejection [4 comments total]
• Hit on Kate when her friend was also in the elevator, thus:
• Allowed a witness to his crime against the code(s)
• Eliminated his chances with the friend
• Eliminated his chances with any other hot chick on the 9th floor
• [Running the risk of redundancy and not giving two sh*ts] Hit on a coworker in an elevator TWICE

Next time you find yourself uncomfortably staring at the floor in a crowded elevator be glad that Elevator Doosh is not lurking in the corner, with all the buttons pushed, waiting for everyone else to get off.