Texas Doosh(es)

We were all hanging out at 7th Haven in Fort Worth, TX, and the ladder was just too hard to resist.

Really Bad Tattoo Doosh

I have to give props to TMZ for promoting the dooshiness. This fashion designer guy has his own LABEL on his back. Wow! That is all I have to say. You can check out more comments on the TMZ blog (which people actually read. www.TMZ.com

I had to...

The doosh who stole X-mas

I can personally relate to the fact that crime is high, as my apartment was burglarized a couple of weeks ago. Things are tight and it's affecting everyone. But, if you are going to rob something, the Salvation Army Kettle is not the thing. What? Do they have like 10 bucks in change? Oooooh! Exciting! You can't buy ANYTHING! Leave the kettle's and the kids alone doosh and get a job. And don't say there is not any left, my sister just got one at Jack In the Crack and is doing fine. Read more >> Real-Life Grinch Absconds With Salvation Army Kettles

Pyramid Scheme Doosh

Ewwwww! And Bernard Madoff is really ugly. Boo to you rich ugly man! I hope you have a nice time in prison.

NY governor PISSED

Burger King Dooshette

You gotta hear the dooshiest 911 call ever.

Pennsylvania Road Kill

It's certainly reassuring that even in these hard times, truck drivers still have a sense of humor when it comes to hauling human cargo. Dooshquest camera’s caught what seems like human remains when we were headed east on I-78. This puts new meaning to the phrase “road kill.” Poor doosh.

Mack Brown is a doosh

Mack, you are such a big cry baby. It's always excuses with you -- you blubbering doosh. Yeah, maybe there needs to be some changes with this whole three way tie thing. But, someone has to go to the championship game, and when you slaughter the number two team in the nation that kinda helps. OU has its work cut out, and we still have to win the Big XII. So, take your cute little Longhorns to a BCS bowl and better luck next year. No matter what -- I think you are a doosh and always will. You can read Brown's full reaction here.

Black Friday Dooshes

Come on people, really? This is sad -- I was honestly shocked to see this on the news yesterday. We're at the point where there is at least one Wal-Mart Black Friday incedent a year. It is just plain ridiculous someone has to die to save four bucks on a doll of a Disney kid star who's sleeping with her pedifile producer. I don't want to make light of this story as it's completely troublesome, and my heart goes out to the family of the deceased. Control yourselves! What a bunch of dooshes! Get more on the story Worker dies at Long Island Wal-Mart after being trampled in Black Friday stampede.

Dooshquest SI Style

The Staten Island Mall has a bit of a dooshquest of its own. Go get 'em SI.

Spider Doosh

Okay, so I saw the email about the guy trying to pay the utility company with his spider drawing, which is just plain genius, so clearly I would not put him on dooshquest. BUT, the guy who bought the spider on ebay for 15K is most definitely a doosh. (I hope I don't get sued for posting the infamous spider to this blog.)

Congrats to you Mr. Thorne. You've earned your 15 minutes along with 15K. I'd take that any day. Read more >> Spider minus a leg sells for thousands

Hills Doosh (sorry for the redundancy)

I don't even know this dude's name, but I am sick of seeing him and his hair alone is enough to land supreme doosh status.

TTU Doosh on Dating

Thanks Mike Leach. You are a bigger doosh than I thought. I hope you liked your Sooner spanking.

Online Dating Doosh

Sorry.
Your application to join our match-making service has been rejected.

You failed question #14: 'What do you like most in a woman?'

'My Dick' was not an acceptable answer.

Doosh according to Urban Dictionary

So, why do we spell "doosh" incorrectly on this blog? You can blame the founder and CEO for the obvious and premeditated misspelling, but it made me wonder if there was any chance that people were accepting this alternate spelling -- maybe due to our growing readership. HA! Anyway, I did a little digging and found "doosh" on UrbanDictionary.com. Many thanks to Mr. Takenocrap, maka697, and Mysterio for their fine contributions to the literary world and society as a whole. Here are the top three definitions of the word "doosh."

1. The blatant & incorrect spelling of the word douche.
After trying to sneak his way back to the message board under an assumed identity, everyone called the poser a doosh.
by Mr. Takenocrap Sep 13, 2004

2. A word looked on up urban dictionary by those who can't spell douche properly.
Go back and type in doosh.
by maka697 Nov 23, 2003

3. The wrong way to spell douche.
I am an idiot so I spell douche like this: d-o-o-s-h!
by Mysterio Apr 26, 2003

DoGooder Doosh

DOOSH! I am so sick of this guy. Can he do anything WRONG? I never thought I'd be hating on the "Sexiest Man Alive" of 1995, but I had to do it. Mr. Pitt, just go raise your family, and quit torturing everyone with your perfection.

Full Caffeine Eclipse

Commission Doosh

Actual doosh email:
hey u forgot about me Laughkat :( when would be a good time for you to come down
Commission Doosh
Membership Advisor

Theoretical response:
I know it's my fault for coming into the gym in the first place. BUT -- if I don't contact you over the weekend when my parents are in town, I didn't forget about you, you're just not on the top of my list. The incessant email stalking has to STOP. I promise, you'll get your commission in the end. To show you there are no hard feelings, I'll give you free advertising on dooshquest* and book an appointment for tonight at 7.

*Too bad we only have four readers including contributors. Take that suckers!

Ukulele Doosh

You might be a doosh if you can relate to any two of the following:

(1) You wear a Hawaiian shirt daily -- at work, at home, even out on the town.
(2) You play the ukulele.
(3) You only smoke from a pipe.
(4) You ask uninterested women to be your "arm candy."
(5) You live in Astoria for the sole purpose of picking up chicks in Manhattan by asking them if they want to share a cab home.
(6) You are a lurker with a heavy breathing problem.

Calendar Doosh

If you are the busiest doosh in the world and you have to schedule a date a month in advance, please try to keep it or at least have the audacity to call and cancel. Really, we don't care about your level of commitment. We understand your priorities. And lastly, we probably have something better to do with our time anyways. Don't worry. Perhaps, we can get together some time over the next couple of years.

Pantsless Celebrity Doosh

STEVE GUTTENBERG - EXCUSE ME!?! Where are your bleeping pants? And, I thought Dancing with the Stars was bad.

Virtual Doosh Technology

I don't care if this was hard to do or if it's some kind of groundbreaking technology. CNN is now in the annals of TV news dooshiness for their Election Night 2008 holograms

Times Square Doosh

Not only is he the Naked Cowboy, he voted for McCain.

Line Doosh

I went to this party at a swanky hotel in midtown Manhattan for Halloween. Open bar was from like 9:00 to 10:30, but yet they kept us outside for the first 30 minutes. Kinda dooshy, but I think Bravo was filming the party, and they wanted to make it look like the hottest joint in town -- hardly. Fortunately enough for me, I met this doosh in line. Me and the girls were having a smoke, while awaiting details of whether or not we could get our asses upstairs. The guy rudely expresses his distaste for women who smoke -- out loud for all to hear. I decide to ignore and try to enjoy my cigarette. Minutes go by and the same doosh almost hocks a loogie on my roommates foot. I of course reply, "Ew, I hate guys that spit!" He didn't catch the reference and thought that I was hitting on him. I think he was partaking in all sort of LINES that evening. What a doosh!

Hickey Doosh

If you are over the age of 18 and have been making out for a number of years, decades, milleniums -- whatever, you should know that it is ABSOLUTELY unacceptable to give someone a hickey. Kissing is great, hey, everybody does it, but try to control yourself and think about the other person for a second. Do you want to be the one wearing a turtleneck in the middle of July? I DON'T THINK SO!

Dooshquest Layoffs ?

Fellow Dooshquesters, I would like to announce that I am officially back on the quest. After a seventh month hiatus - it is once again time for me to hit the ground running as a surveyer of Dooshery. I was distracted for personal reasons, but had the epiphany, “How can I deny my one true calling in life?”

With that said, coming back in a time of crisis had me a bit worried, honestly. With Dooshes losing their jobs left and right, will they be hiding out, making conservative decisions, and perusing Monster.com on Friday nights?

The answer is of course, no – silly me. As evidenced by the blog TheFoggyMonocle.com, Dooshes are unbridled in good times and in bad. The discovery of this site was unnerving and made me even more unsettled. I felt as if there was absolutely no job security in Doosh questing anymore. I asked, “With Dooshes so willingly publishing their antics online, where do I fit in?”

And then IT happened. All of my apprehensions of continuing on a journey to nowhere subsided, and my anxiety came to rest; I was blindsided by a flock of Dooshes last night in the West Village. I guess it helps when your friends have “Doosh bait” written across their foreheads. I am relieved in some ways – mainly that I still have a job but still a little scared in facing the ocean of Dooshes once again.

Lobbying Doosh (Oxymoron)

Mr. Davis’s firm received the payments from the company, Freddie Mac, until it was taken over by the government this month along with Fannie Mae, the other big mortgage lender whose deteriorating finances helped precipitate the cascading problems on Wall Street, the people said.

Somebody Shut This Doosh Up

I Didn't Wanna Do It

RP -- that wasn't very nice of you saying that no one cared about my background on the call with Tery!

Office Elevator Doosh

It’s always been taboo to date people from work because of the liability [especially now] of sexual harassment accusations and the complications of going through that whole shebang. So, everybody knows if you choose to dip into the office ink – keep it on the DL and save everyone a lot of grief. On that note, I recently heard a story that had to be documented as an ultimate example of dooshery in the workplace.

Inappropriate behaviors towards coworkers are rampant at the holiday party or happy hour gatherings [i.e. provocative dancing, excessive touching sans spouses, and even biting] BUT when this takes place at any point from 9 to 5, Monday to Friday one runs the risk of gaining doosh status. A coworker of mine [I’ll call her “Cleavage Kate” to protect the innocent] has been hit-on by the SAME colleague in the building ELEVATOR not once but TWICE now. I have coined him “Elevator Doosh” for the following reasons.

• Broke the elevator code of awkward silence with awkward conversation [which is why the code exists in the first place]
• Did not remember getting shot down the first time
• Forced Kate to say “no, thanks for the offer…I have a boyfriend…leave me alone and never speak to me again!” before accepting rejection [4 comments total]
• Hit on Kate when her friend was also in the elevator, thus:
• Allowed a witness to his crime against the code(s)
• Eliminated his chances with the friend
• Eliminated his chances with any other hot chick on the 9th floor
• [Running the risk of redundancy and not giving two sh*ts] Hit on a coworker in an elevator TWICE

Next time you find yourself uncomfortably staring at the floor in a crowded elevator be glad that Elevator Doosh is not lurking in the corner, with all the buttons pushed, waiting for everyone else to get off.

Demoralizing Doosh

Never thought I'd do this...

...and it sort of hurts. I guess after you've been smeared your entire career, you have no choice but to become an awful smearer. Kind of like abused children who become abusers themselves.

You know it's true